A Letter to... My Brother

I’ve held onto that for years. So many people have turned it into a trend to plaster everywhere, but it’s something I carry at the back of my head.

I clung to you and Ana. I idolized you two and adored you, but it was a lot more with you. You’d be washing the paint out of my hair that I got there with my attempt to become Picasso. You had to multitask, so you’d be memorizing Hamlet. That’s how I learned the monologue at six. My teacher thought I was a genius. It really took one time, and I was reciting it everywhere. What a weirdo, right? Lol I just wanted to do everything you did. I wanted to be as cool as you. I wanted to be as kind as you. I wanted recognition from you. I wanted your love.

I flourished in your hugs and encouraging words. You always made me feel like I had no limitations. Being a girl meant nothing in the world you created for me, because if anything I was stronger for it, according to you.

You’d tell me to always remember, though, what you had taught me.

Veni

Vidi

Vici

Because I would do just that, you’d tell me, and you’d be there to watch it all happen. Nothing would stop me… I was meant to do great things; you'd always tell me. I would make a change, and you’d be there loving me not only at my highs but lows as well. You never told me it would be easy... You reminded me it'd be hard and hurt me to the core, but it would be worth it. Nothing good comes easy, after all.

I knew your love before anyone else’s. I wasn’t old enough to understand the love my grandparents held for me until I was older and looked back. With you, it was obvious, though. I never had to look back and realize you loved me. I knew it all the way through.

You’re blunt and make me cry, but I wouldn’t disobey you. I respect you in a way that no one could understand. I trust you in every sense of the word. I think I even trusted you when I felt you had abandoned me.

When you moved out, I felt the rug being pulled under me… I know now you weren’t leaving me, though. I was a little girl and just felt the only person I could hug and be held by leave. No one would paint my toenails red again. No one would sit at the end of my bed with a stuffed elephant while I had a fever again…

It felt terrible. I didn’t see you for two years. Then you came back and pulled me up from under the surface. It was never your job to be a parent, but you were that and more, to me. You were my dad, my mom, brother, best friend, parachute…. Everything.

Asking you for boy advice is quite something, but I know you’ll tell me what it is versus what I’d like to hear. You hate when I cry and tell me to stop, but it never stops you from saying what you think. It’s all straight forward with you.

You’re the guy that I’d introduce to a guy formally if he were someone I wanted to marry. It’s hard to explain, but you just know me in a way that you can see things so clearly. You’re the first in the family who gets to meet the guy, because you’re the one that matters to me in that sense… the opinion. It’s like passing the baton. Everyone else just comes with the flow later on. I wouldn’t need to build up to you. That’s how you know…

Anyways, you’ve taught me to stand up on my own. You’ve always seen potential in me and have gone to all of my parent teach conferences. You’ve taken my contacts off while I’ve slept. You’ve carried me out of cars and put me in bed. You’ve pulled me from ledges and untied me from knots I shouldn’t have made. You’ve made the tough decisions when no one else came forward… There was no hesitation on your part… ever. You’d drop the world to save me, and I’d do the same for you.

It’s like we aren’t supposed to make sense that way. You’re a fire sign where I’m water. You’re supposed to burn through me, and I’m supposed to try to put you out. Yet, eleven years apart… and we couldn’t be more similar.

You’ve helped shape who I am. I walk into a room and command eyes on me… it isn’t something I realized until recently. You’re an introvert, but you know how to be an extrovert. That’s why you’ve always nourished me. I was the odd one out in a family of introverts. You’ve given me qualities I cherish from an introvert, and I’ve given you qualities of an extrovert to succeed even more.

It was never a competition… but you always tell me to be better than you. I love that. I love that your goal is to make sure I surpass you. That’s how I know you’ll be a great dad, one day. You’ve jumped through rings of fire to make sure I didn’t fall. You always push me when I need it and never let me forget to dream.

Thank you for everything. Thank you for putting up with me on days I was a complete nightmare. Thank you for being strong for everyone. Thank you for making sure I knew you loved me. Thank you for showing me and telling me you love me. Thank you for all the elephants. Thank you for rushing home with every frantic call from my mom. Thank you for holding me down when I fought you to let me go. Thank you for never letting me drown in the world. Thank you for inspiring me and never letting me leave school to do music. I love music so much, but you know me. You know the endgame, and you’ve never let me forget what shines isn’t always gold.

You’re the reason I am an embodiment of it all. Everywhere I go, I get what I want. It’s because of the foundation you’ve given me. I come, I see, I conquer.

So thank you for making sure I cut the silk threads my demons tied around me and learned to swim with them beside me. I’m a better stronger person, and I owe it to you. I love you, and I hope you never doubt that.

I know your core, so everything else is trivial. It doesn’t matter who you love or what you do. You could be bald or insanely tall… None of it would change the amount of love I have for you. I would walk through fire for you. It’s not a matter of blood, and I hope you recognize that. I know you know that I love with everything, and I love you… so know that there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do.

Here’s to the many many years we have coming. It’s my time to show you that all of your energy and love wasn’t in vain. The walk up those stairs isn't going to be easy, but you taught me to not give up. I'm ready to run up those stairs. I'll show you. I'll show myself. I've always watched you. Now, you get to watch me.

Xx

Go

There's a fire that erupts in your gut. There's a burning sensation running up your legs spreading through your limbs as your running up those steps to cross that barrier of reality and bliss.

Your limbs are attached to the bass, and you move like an array of strings. The fire spreads to your fingertips, and you feel yourself become enveloped with wings only you can experience. Suddenly it's like a flight you could never recreate that happens in front of everyone else... You feel alive. It's like you can fly. People look at you like you're something special. They just don't know the power of passion. They think you’re a young God… you’re really not. You're just limitless.

The cage you've built for yourself is torn open. You're running, and the blood in your veins ignites under all eyes. You know you will be better, so you lose yourself up there. Nothing else matters.

These people don't know you, but they connect with you. The power of a voice moves people. You say what they don't want to say, and you're suddenly jumping around kicking air. Back bends don’t hurt you and bruises can’t even phase you, besides you can't control your body like a regular person can, not on stage… nothing hurts up there. The movements are natural, though; they're an extension of the voice. You're limitless.

Beautifully paralyzed by the voices in your head that are only of you singing what you never dared to say.

It's crazy. You're crazy... but you're under your own spell.

You're limitless...

Then the spell breaks, and you're faced with reality. It makes you stronger. The passion in your bones can't be wiped away like the tears falling.

You're a wild flower and the gold is in your bones. You can't stop now.

You're unstoppable.

A Letter to... My Best Friend

You've known me ten years and counting. You've seen the best of me and the worst. I don't know how you've done it all of the time. I always tell you I'm a lot to handle, but you look at me with a smile as if there would be no other handful you'd rather handle. I'm meaner than my demons and bigger than any obstacle or goal. I'm so jumpy jolting at the slightest of sounds, but you've always held me down until the day I don't jump anymore...

You never let me stay in my mind for long. You know I'm well acquainted with the thoughts in my head, and you know that it's okay... but you know how dangerous it is for me to live in there. I know part of it is being your friend... You live in your head, and there's bound to be overlapping of our personalities after ten years. You just make sure I don't get stuck in your world. My world was never limited by the walls of the mind.

So you sit on that driver's seat and let me feel the flames of the wind licking at my face taking all of it away.

You've never been selfish with me, and I've seen you jump through hoops to pull me up. It's never mattered to you if you had to step in a little quicksand if it meant getting me up... I don't know how anyone who isn't blood could do that.

Then I think about it, and I know I'm the same. That's the thing. I'm wild compared to you. Where you appear more collected as you help me... I throw everything. You know that about me, though. I play all my cards. I don't hesitate thinking about the order. It doesn't matter what I could lose if I know the end goal is good. My feelings rule my body and actions. You make sure to balance me out on that, though.

You remember all of the moments in my life. You remember my first kiss. You remember the first time I choked on tears in your arms. You remember the day I left, and you remember when I came back.

The thing is... you've always held onto me. It didn't matter where I pushed or ran. You've always followed me without a thought of what if I didn't want you there. You didn't let those thoughts win, and I'm so glad you are who you are.

We don't always see eye to eye. You've hurt me in ways people can't dream of, but you've also held me tighter than anyone.

You see, we have that on each other. You know exactly the words to cut my legs off... The only sharper tongue than mine is yours... because there's things I could never say to you even if I were pissed off. I bite my tongue the moment I recognize I've cut you once, but I don't think you realize it... I know you don't mean it, though.

We're not perfect in any way, and I don't expect our friendship to be. That's the beauty of us. We're ride or die, but sometimes we trip over rocks... or ourselves. Somehow we still manage to catch each other, and I know you'll always be there. I know you'll always love me so intensely. I know you'll always try to make me remember my birthdays. I know you'll always be taking pictures and making me wear obnoxious tiaras. I know you'll always cheer me on.

I could go on talking about you, but I'd never stop.

You're someone so important to me. You're up there, bubs. You've never had to compete with a guy for me. That's the thing... no one has won me over before. I know it's strange seeing how easily someone has tugged my heart off my sleeve and claimed it as their own... but it doesn't devalue our friendship.

I told you you would be my best friend from the beginning. We're ten years in, and you know it now that I meant it.

I'm not saying I'm That's So Raven lol
But I'm telling you to trust me the way you always have.

You hoped for this. Now we have it. I'm not going away. I'm not leaving you behind. We're still two for two...

G and L

You're the Serena to my Blair, remember?

Think about that dynamic. It's the one we've always had, but it's better. This is real not some tween melodrama written by 40 year olds.

Anyways, thank you for being that person for me. Thank you for always sticking your hand in the flame for me... even when I think I'm not burning. Thank you for looking out for me and making sure people aren't taking advantage of me. Thank you for loving me so unconditionally.

Thank you for seeing how happy I am with him and giving me advice. Thank you for being what I need you to be. Thank you for pushing me to feel what I feel and not let anybody stop me.

Thank you for easing my mind when I'm about to freak out.

Thank you for seeing all of the potential I possess day in and day out.

Thank you for letting me have my guard down.

These past few months we've gone from being at the hip, to not at all, to at the hips and back and forth. The weight of your love is suffocating at times, because I don't know how anyone could possibly love me the way you do. It's so much, but I flourish in it. You don't let a day go by without telling me what I mean to you, and I adore it.

So... you're waiting on the sidelines to make sure this guy isn't going to run off with the best parts of me. I know you do that with my best interest at heart. You joke but not really in regards to asking in December what the verdict is on him. The thing is... I know. I know that doesn't change that you're going to wait... I get it. I'm your best friend. I appreciate that you do what you do. I wouldn't want you to hand me off like a hot potato to the first dude.

I already told you you'll have to be seeing a lot of him throughout our lives, though. I'm not kidding, either. You even tell me you're not opposed to him being at the fair with us and so on. I know whether those things happen or not... you know what that means to me.

You see what my eyes do when I talk about him. You don't have to feel my heartbeat to know my side of this, and I'm thankful for that...

I'm thankful that you're my best friend and ask if I'm doing this or that with my boy lol

Like I said... I can ramble on, but I've done that enough.

Just know you've given me plenty of memories that I hold dear. Here's to the memories yet to come.

Xx

Driving

There's something thrilling about only being able to see up to your headlights. There's a freedom in the chills that run up your spine as you accelerate down the open road with only the moon as your witness.

Not another car in sight.
The trees and buildings have long disappeared.

Now, it's just the open road.

It feels like traveling through space and time. My mind clears... it empties so beautifully. I'm able to reinstate whatever sanity I felt slipping from my fingertips. All I want to do is drive.

There's a comfort in solitude on that road, but there's a different and better comfort with someone at your side. There's a moment when your head falls on their shoulder, and your eyes become heavy... Colors become blurs, and you feel the softest of kisses on your forehead. There's no way sleep itself can stop that smile. You know they don't understand what it is about these drives, but they understand it does something for you... There's no question about it. They wouldn't hesitate to have these drives with you.

Nothing can stop you in that bubble. The world is asleep, and all you hear is the engine. You look out the window with thoughts organizing themselves, but you feel fingers reach to tuck in loose strands of hair behind your ear... you can't help but slightly jolt at the unexpected contact. Then you look towards the suspect and know their love. It's in the small touches. It's in the way they glance at you as you sit in silence... drinking in the night. It's bliss.

The softness of their lips on your forehead illuminates the night as all the feelings you were hiding come out at night. All of your worries wash away, and all you can do is fall asleep under their protective eyes.

They answer your questions. They justify your fears.

It's okay to fall asleep. All the energy you hide behind slips away, and you realize you just needed that vulnerability, tonight... that safety in a car and road that only you know.

It's just different from being in the suburbs or city... an open road is different.
It's limitless...

Xx

2 AM Thoughts

I think about the things that mattered to me seven years ago.
I think about how different I am.
I think a lot, I guess.

I think about how I should clean my room soon, and I guess that's symbolic in a way... I'm letting the boxes drop... like the weight of things that don't matter anymore.

I'm excited for what's to come. I'm also still dehydrated.
Whoops

I think about how I want to introduce my boyfriend to my dad.
I just think all the time.

Sometimes I think my mind is great.
Sometimes I know my mind is a cage, and I shouldn't let those bars close me in.

I can't sleep, though, so I'll drive around for awhile.
I'm just thinking about how I didn't imagine this year to play out the way it has been.

Today was a great day, though...

It's nice.

Part of me wants to drive until I find that place where I'd look at the city when I was a little girl.
I want to look out and see how different it is.

I'm excited, though. I am. I feel a little fire growing inside, and I catch glimpses of the girl I've always kept inside under lock. It's easier to guard myself, but I find a dark haired boy with happy eyes making me feel safe outside.

How crazy is that?

Alright. That's that.

Xx

Blending Colors

I think in colors. Memories are colors. Dreams are colors. Feelings are colors. Love is a color. Being in love is actually a set of colors blending... reds, blues, whites, greys, greens... all of them.

I can sit here telling you about the way we wrote a story in the fog on the windows that night. I can sit here telling you about all the memories made, but none of that will show you how it all blends. None of it will sum it up.

That's the thing, love is a beautiful picture with blending in places you didn't think would be necessary. It's so beautiful and intricate... If you stop and think about it, it takes your breath away.

There's stages to it like any painting or drawing, though. Sometimes steps don't have an order, either... each one is different. The thing is they each have their beauty. There's no point in trying to recreate something. Individuality and originality is key. No two loves are the same.

I guess you can say I'm scared at times by this. For someone who is scared of it all but held back by nothing, I'm quite amusing to mock, probably. I just find myself surrounded by colors. It's overwhelming, because I didn't think they'd all appear now. Do I have a problem with it? No. I'm glad it happened how it did.

There's just this heavy load on my chest that feels like someone holding my heart. This is so immense it suffocates me, and I find myself choosing that as my preferred way of death. Lets be honest... there's no easy thing about this, but I'd dip my hands into fire to keep this feeling. I'd keep it even if it was my cause of death.

Look, nothing worth having comes easy, and love is worth the frustrations, work, confusion, tears, laughs... all of it. It does make me dizzy, though. It's like control has slipped my fingertips, and I don't find myself grasping for it to come back.

Maybe only fools fall in love. I don't know. I might just be the biggest fool, then. Well I'm a mighty happy fool.

I just know that there's a set of colors I didn't know surrounding and enveloping me in ways I didn't know were meant for me.

The scary part is time. Does love fade with time?

That's what we all have to fear, right? That and complacency. No one wants to stay in a loveless relationship out of obligation.

Well DOES love fade?
Not the love, the excitement of a honeymoon stage does. Love can leave if it isn't tended... it isn't something you should take for granted, but it isn't doomed. Love is a choice that you make every day, and if you want it, then you have to put the same effort into it. Fading and evolving are two different things, though.

So many people misinterpret change as an end. Loving someone has its own stages, but it doesn't have to end. There's a honeymoon stage, of course, and that can come in the beginning, later on, and even more than once. The thing is it doesn't last, the honeymoon stage that is. Love in itself can and will last as long as you tend to it.

Love requires time, trust, and prioritizing. Everything requires time to build. A relationship will have different colors and sometimes the blending won't be perfect, but it isn't about making the square fit the circle... You have to allow it to develop. So many people leave after the honeymoon stage ends. There's complacency, then there's irrational complacency. You see so many people think that love has to be that exciting feeling. It isn't always. They either become complacent in a bad situation or become complacent in not committing.

Both seem sad to me. I wouldn't want to be with someone I don't love, and I wouldn't want to be stuck in a honeymoon trance.

Love has so many layers. It becomes better after the honeymoon stage, so I'd hate to only know that.
I mean love becomes familiarity. Love becomes the calm after the storm while being the crashing waves on the shore. Love is missing someone and coming home to them, because you want to tell them about your day. Love is sometimes needing space to miss each other. Love is wanting to share heaven and hell with someone. Love is everything and nothing. Love is a bond. Love is a choice. Love is wonderful and hurtful, but it's worth it...

Basically, love requires time to grow into more than infatuation and hormones. It requires trust to show every color on the palette. You need to trust the other person to not leave even when they're tempted with something new... because that does happen. New isn't always better, at least in the long run. People find excitement in the first experiences, though, but that's not a way to live.

You can only do so many firsts before that isn't enough. Why give up a tree for a cut flower? A tree has roots that will outlive a flower you can't plant like the tree.

Not everyone will accept your faults and care for you, but the ones who do love you. I mean think about it... It's scary knowing you won't have another first kiss or first date with someone... things like that, but there's someone out there for everyone that you wouldn't mind giving up that for.

Prioritizing your relationship is also important. The things that once were number one become second, third, or they might not even matter anymore. You aren't giving up who you are... that's not what you want. You do change, though, on your own and together. You're still two individuals, but you're together now. You just have to prioritize your love... like I said, effort. You put in the same effort if not more.

Blending colors aren't always pretty at first. Sometimes you need to use your fingers to pay extra attention to the spots that look blotchy.

I don't know. Maybe all of this is a rambling mess. Maybe I have a point. I don't know what to say. I'm writing this in a car, because I can't sleep just yet.

I guess you could say companionship is on my mind, but it's not even that. I don't want just a companion. I want someone I love until the end. I want to build a life with someone I love in more ways than one... I don't mind the work, but it's just a waiting game now. I guess forty years from now we'll know how it ends, right?


We'll see. I can't read minds or hearts. I just know what's inside mine for now and believe the rest.

Xx

Adding Colors

He's pulling me apart at the seams while adding pieces where I didn't know anything was missing.

He's a different color than what I thought love would be. The only fairy tale sense about this is accepting it's real and not a tale. This goodness is real, and it's ours... but he's not anywhere near cliche. He's like my dad in that sense. My dad says things how they are. He has no need to make things sound better, and I guess that's where my brother got that, as well. There's just a raw honesty that I value in him. He communicates with me, and it's something I hold dear.

His grip on my hips is different. The ending has been the same every damn time, before him. Now, I'm hoping for something different. I'm living something different.

I've always appreciated the beauty of a secret. Privacy is something I cling to even in this day and age. I can expose my bones online, sure, but you won't know my flesh how he can. I don't have to tell anyone anything. I have control. I show what I want, nothing more than that... but there's no reason to hide with him. I'm not afraid of showing him the heavier colors.

He's shown me enough colors to make a beautiful water color painting. It's in the way he spun me in that empty parking lot. It's in the way he looks to his left while he's deep in thought. It's in the way his eyes crinkle with every cm his lips stretch into a smile. The color is in his lips when he whispers his feelings into my ear so unexpectedly. It's the trace he leaves on my body after we've given each other something you can't grasp unless you love one another... It's the color that rises to his fingertips when he holds me so gently. It's the hurt in his eyes when he shakes his head and can't understand my actions. It's the excitement, hope, love... everything I see in him. The colors are everywhere.


Xx

The True MVS (Most Valuable Song... For Now)

Song: Spirits
Artist: The Strumbellas

This song and I have had quite the roller coaster. This is the song that I listened to for the first time on the freeway with a friend while my heart broke repeatedly. I felt my heart shattering as this song played for the first time through my ears. It played over and over slowly helping me cheer up. I had no clue this song would repeatedly play that role, though. I guess you could say it has developed a meaning to me or at least some importance, really.

You see, this song is really about fighting your inner demons. It's about trying to change and become a better person in life.

There's always those things in life that are like guns that "won't go," and we all have the "spirits in [our heads that] won't go." It might be a decision we've made or a list of mistakes. We've basically all grown our array of demons. Those are things that are a part of us, and they won't go... but that doesn't mean we can't be better for it.

You just have to look at your life and decide to do your absolute best to be a good person.


Anyways, this song has made me feel every emotion.

It was the last song I heard before I picked up a phone call that same night (my friend introduced it to me) that would mark a turning point in my soon to be relationship. This is also the song I listened to and sang to my best friend while tipsy in a car. I was out of my mind trying to explain my love for this guy who managed to melt all the ice covering my bones. "He's in my bones," is all I could say to explain how deep I had already gotten. It's true, he's everywhere, and I just found myself singing this at the top of my lungs. It came up, and I took the chance. My harmonies were a disaster. My hand gestures were everything. I wanted to twirl into a body of water and sing this song until the sun came up or I fell asleep... drained. Haha

This is also the song that momentarily played while my boyfriend and I were in the Starbucks' drive thru after having spilled our feelings to each other. My heart skipped a beat as we lost the song changing the radio... He had no clue how much this song had played in my life just recently. He had no idea how I drew a connection to him. Now, that moment... it felt like a full circle. The song that I listened to that one night had finally come full circle, in a way.

Then again, when he met my friend Jackie (Jax), this song played. That was another beautiful night. I mentioned how this song followed me, apparently, but he wouldn't have known just how much it moved me... There was no way he'd know.

But how could I not love this song? Like I said, we've all got those demons. We've all been dragging ourselves, at some point. There just comes a day when you stand up and decide this isn't the life you want and change it for the better.

I spent a lot of nights on the run
And I think oh, like I'm lost and can't be found
I'm just waiting for my day to come
And I think oh, I don't wanna let you down
Cause something inside has changed
And maybe we don't wanna stay the same

I got guns in my head and they won't go
Spirits in my head and they won't go
I got guns in my head and they won't go
Spirits in my head and they won't go
But the gun still rattles
The gun still rattles, oh
But the gun still rattles
The gun still rattles, oh

This song just makes me feel the world and then some. I've cried to this song and laughed to this song. I've felt everything listening to this song. I've felt human, though, more than anything.

It's easy to look back and wish we had done things differently, but those things helped shape us. It makes the now even better, and I know that isn't always easy to believe... I just think that if I get this now and for the second half, the first half was worth struggling. Someone told me that in a few different words, and I agree. I guess you can say I feel myself falling into line. I'm not scared of life the way I used to be.

I'm happy. I'm not dumb enough to think life will always be easy, but nothing good comes easy. It's all hard work, and I know the ghosts will "still rattle," but they won't forever...

You could say this song has encouraged me in a way. I mean I guess. You know, I've just ran enough. I'm ready, now. It doesn't matter if we're ready. Sometimes we want something, and things change. Suddenly, we become ready. Some things and some people, I don't know... They wake you up. It feels like my day has come, though, and this song likes to play everywhere to remind me that. Something just changed, and I simply "don't want to see another night lost inside a lonely life while I'm here." Is that cliche? Did you like that lyric integration? lol

Anyways, I found myself listening to this song last night, so I guess it really came full circle. Sometimes, it isn't the song. Maybe this is the case. I've attached feelings to give meaning to this song. This is my MVS for now, but I'm sure we all have that song. I guess this song just got lucky that way.

I just know that I've never been happier, and this song if it could speak... It'd tell you a lot about me. It's seen me struggle with a lot in a short amount of time, but it's also seen me rise to the occasion. It's a crazy silly thing, really.


Xx

17 Facts Nobody Probably Told You About Losing Your Virginity

1. It can be hella awkward. Life isn't like the movies. It's just not, okay? It might not be as smooth as you think it would be, either.

2. You probably won't hit that orgasm point. That's okay. It might take you a few times to get used to this dealy. Besides, it's hard to cum with a condom on. It might not even be good the first time. #RealTalk

3. If you have a penis, instead of a vagina, you might cum really fast.

4. You have to communicate with your partner. They won't magically know what feels good for you.

5. Erectile dysfunction doesn't just happen to old dudes. Don't freak out or think you're broken. You might just feel nervous/pressured/etc.

6. It might hurt the first few times. It shouldn't feel terrible, either. Stop if it is. If it's a little pain, that's expected with penetration. Don't worry, you're not dying. You shouldn't be bleeding buckets, though.

7. Bleeding buckets isn't normal, but there might be blood! It's okay!

8. You're going to have weird or awkward moments, this is normal, and you'll both just laugh about them.

9. If you lose your virginity with someone you love, it's a thousand times better. Sex is physical, but if there's an emotional bond... it's a completely different world.

10. Think about your safety and don't be afraid to do that regularly. You are responsible for your own body and shouldn't rely on someone else to take care of you. Have condoms on you, take birth control, or do whatever else needs to be done to ensure your safety.

 11. If you have sex, even the first time, you can get pregnant (and die jk jk). Be aware that losing your virginity isn't a freebie. You still need to be responsible.

12. You can still get pregnant even if you're on birth control, or he's wearing a condom. Shit happens, dude. It's a scary world.

13. Pee after sex. Pee after sex! PEE AFTER SEX!... Just pee after sex, okay?

14. Other people are just as nervous as you. Things are going in places they haven't been before... plus you're both naked. You're vulnerable, and it's a bit awkward. It's okay.

15. The hole might be harder to find than you think... For some people, at least.

16. Porn isn't how sex really works. Take it slow; it isn't a race.

17. There's no right time to have sex. Own your sex! How or when it happens isn't anyone's business. It'll happen when it does, and it won't make you a slut. You just gotta do you, boo.