I’ve held onto that for years. So many people have turned it
into a trend to plaster everywhere, but it’s something I carry at the back of
my head.
I clung to you and Ana. I idolized you two and adored you,
but it was a lot more with you. You’d be washing the paint out of my hair that
I got there with my attempt to become Picasso. You had to multitask, so you’d
be memorizing Hamlet. That’s how I learned the monologue at six. My teacher
thought I was a genius. It really took one time, and I was reciting it
everywhere. What a weirdo, right? Lol I just wanted to do everything you did. I
wanted to be as cool as you. I wanted to be as kind as you. I wanted
recognition from you. I wanted your love.
I flourished in your hugs and encouraging words. You always
made me feel like I had no limitations. Being a girl meant nothing in the world
you created for me, because if anything I was stronger for it, according to
you.
You’d tell me to always remember, though, what you had taught
me.
Veni
Vidi
Vici
Because I would do just that, you’d tell me, and you’d be
there to watch it all happen. Nothing would stop me… I was meant to do great
things; you'd always tell me. I would make a change, and you’d be there loving me not only at my
highs but lows as well. You never told me it would be easy... You reminded me it'd be hard and hurt me to the core, but it would be worth it. Nothing good comes easy, after all.
I knew your love before anyone else’s. I wasn’t old enough
to understand the love my grandparents held for me until I was older and looked
back. With you, it was obvious, though. I never had to look back and realize
you loved me. I knew it all the way through.
You’re blunt and make me cry, but I wouldn’t disobey you. I
respect you in a way that no one could understand. I trust you in every sense
of the word. I think I even trusted you when I felt you had abandoned me.
When you moved out, I felt the rug being pulled under me… I
know now you weren’t leaving me, though. I was a little girl and just felt the
only person I could hug and be held by leave. No one would paint my toenails
red again. No one would sit at the end of my bed with a stuffed elephant while
I had a fever again…
It felt terrible. I didn’t see you for two years. Then you
came back and pulled me up from under the surface. It was never your job to be
a parent, but you were that and more, to me. You were my dad, my mom, brother,
best friend, parachute…. Everything.
Asking you for boy advice is quite something, but I know
you’ll tell me what it is versus what I’d like to hear. You hate when I cry and
tell me to stop, but it never stops you from saying what you think. It’s all straight
forward with you.
You’re the guy that I’d introduce to a guy formally if he
were someone I wanted to marry. It’s hard to explain, but you just know me in a
way that you can see things so clearly. You’re the first in the family who gets
to meet the guy, because you’re the one that matters to me in that sense… the
opinion. It’s like passing the baton. Everyone else just comes with the flow
later on. I wouldn’t need to build up to you. That’s how you know…
Anyways, you’ve taught me to stand up on my own. You’ve
always seen potential in me and have gone to all of my parent teach
conferences. You’ve taken my contacts off while I’ve slept. You’ve carried me
out of cars and put me in bed. You’ve pulled me from ledges and untied me from
knots I shouldn’t have made. You’ve made the tough decisions when no one else
came forward… There was no hesitation on your part… ever. You’d drop the world
to save me, and I’d do the same for you.
It’s like we aren’t supposed to make sense that way. You’re
a fire sign where I’m water. You’re supposed to burn through me, and I’m
supposed to try to put you out. Yet, eleven years apart… and we couldn’t be more
similar.
You’ve helped shape who I am. I walk into a room and command
eyes on me… it isn’t something I realized until recently. You’re an introvert,
but you know how to be an extrovert. That’s why you’ve always nourished me. I
was the odd one out in a family of introverts. You’ve given me qualities I
cherish from an introvert, and I’ve given you qualities of an extrovert to succeed
even more.
It was never a competition… but you always tell me to be better than you. I love that. I love that your goal is to make sure I surpass you. That’s how I know you’ll be a great dad, one day. You’ve jumped through rings of fire to make sure I didn’t fall. You always push me when I need it and never let me forget to dream.
Thank you for everything. Thank you for putting up with me
on days I was a complete nightmare. Thank you for being strong for everyone.
Thank you for making sure I knew you loved me. Thank you for showing me and
telling me you love me. Thank you for all the elephants. Thank you for rushing
home with every frantic call from my mom. Thank you for holding me down when I
fought you to let me go. Thank you for never letting me drown in the world.
Thank you for inspiring me and never letting me leave school to do music. I
love music so much, but you know me. You know the endgame, and you’ve never let
me forget what shines isn’t always gold.
You’re the reason I am an embodiment of it all. Everywhere I
go, I get what I want. It’s because of the foundation you’ve given me. I come,
I see, I conquer.
So thank you for making sure I cut the silk threads my
demons tied around me and learned to swim with them beside me. I’m a better
stronger person, and I owe it to you. I love you, and I hope you never doubt
that.
I know your core, so everything else is trivial. It doesn’t
matter who you love or what you do. You could be bald or insanely tall… None of
it would change the amount of love I have for you. I would walk through fire
for you. It’s not a matter of blood, and I hope you recognize that. I know you
know that I love with everything, and I love you… so know that there isn’t
anything I wouldn’t do.
Xx
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