Friday, September 25, 2015

September Playlist

 
Even though, I've been utterly hooked on Bring Me The Horizon's new album (That's The Spirit), I have listened to some other cool tracks. I mean, maybe I snuck in a quick two BMTH songs to my September playlist, but I couldn't resist. I'm really digging this set of songs; there's tons of awesome tunes. The bolded ones have been on repeat for more than just September. If you're curious, check them out below. They're in no particular order.

  1. Avalanche - Bring Me The Horizon 
  2. Doomed - Bring Me The Horizon 
  3. Holy - PVRIS 
  4. Fire - PVRIS 
  5. Bulls In The Bronx - Pierce The Veil 
  6. If You Don't Know - 5 Seconds of Summer 
  7. Jet Black Heart - 5 Seconds of Summer 
  8. Somewhere I Belong - Linkin Park 
  9. Heart Shaped Box - Nirvana 
  10. All Around Me - Flyleaf 
  11. Sk8er Boi - Avril Lavigne 
  12. Never Giving Up - Of Mice & Men 
  13. Stressed Out - Twenty One Pilots 
  14. Heavydirtysoul - Twenty One Pilots 
  15. Love Myself - Hailee Steinfield 
  16. Famous Last Words - My Chemical Romance 
  17. Too Many Faces - Cherri Bomb 
  18. Shake The Ground - Cherri Bomb 
  19. Checkmarks - The Academy Is... 
  20. Black Mamba - The Academy Is... 
  21. Run - The Maine 
  22. Not Your Fault - AWOLNATION 
  23. The Hills - The Weeknd 
  24. Lydia - Highly Suspect 
  25. #icanteven - The Neighbourhood 
  26. Gasoline - Halsey 
  27. Colors - Halsey 
  28. Larger Than Life - Backstreet Boys 
  29. Drag Me Down - One Direction 
  30. This Ain't A Scene, It's an Arms Race - Fall Out Boy
 
Hope you guys enjoy it! 
 
Xx

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Bring Me The Horizon: Bringing The Spirit Or Mainstream?


If you didn't know this yet, Bring Me The Horizon released a new album, "That's The Spirit." It debuted in the second slot for The Billboard 200, and a lot of people have taken this chance to dub them Bring Me The Mainstream...

Ooh, the controversy. Well it's a good thing you have a choice as to what you listen to. There's no need to spread the bitter taste on your tongue; some people really enjoy the change in sound. They're different, but they're still Bring Me The Horizon. (In your face, Mike, I saw that "Bring Me The Mainstream" comment)

Lets get this straight, I've been a fan of Bring Me The Horizon for as long as I can remember. I first saw them back in 2009 and again at The Parks And Devastation Tour, last year. I grew up with this band, and it's been an awesome time seeing how much they've evolved as artists. Granted, I started listening to them during my angsty teen years, but I'm 21 and still going strong, so they're far from a phase, mum. I mean I guess you could say I've got that spirit, huh? Okay, bad pun. Anyways, I've definitely been waiting for this album. I've only now been able to rip myself away from listening to it on a never ending loop to write this. SO YEAH... it's more than good. I mean I listened to "Sempiternal" for almost as long as I did with this album when it first came out. If you haven't realized this now, Bring Me The Horizon is absolutely one of my favorite bands. Like I said earlier,"That's The Spirit," is different. It's a change in their sound, which I find myself welcoming with open arms.

So, now let me get started on this whole album review, track by track. Oi, take note that there's a commentary available on Spotify, that you can listen to. It's track by track, and it made the album so so much greater. There's power in interpreting something for yourself, but it's just as great to get an inside look to the creation and inspiration behind each track.

Okay, I'm starting this for real now!


1. Doomed- It definitely sets the tone for the album. Oli mentions in the commentary, how the album celebrates darkness, and you clearly hear it in the opener. There's this sense of romance that's embedded within the darkness. I can't help think of a mental state where you find yourself enjoying the destruction, and become hooked with the ease of it. It's safe to say, I was instantly hooked. I'm hooked with the lack of regret that this track holds. It's addicting to hear the lyrics that say what we've felt at some point, whether it was directed to someone or a situation.

Favorite part:
The sun don't shine but it never did
And when it rains, it fucking pours
But I think I like it
And you know that I'm love with the mess
I think I like it

So come rain on my parade
Cause I want to feel it
Come shove me over the edge
Cause my head is in overdrive

I'm sorry but it's too late
And it's not worth saving
So come rain on my parade
I think we're doomed
I think we're doomed
And now there is no way back

Score: 10/10


2. Happy Song- We're a little fucked in the head... I love how this song makes light of humanity, in a sense. We have this pool of emotions and actions, but we limit ourselves to a select few that are reserved in the back of our head for situations where we can't quite react genuinely? It's like when we rely on what we've been taught to do. We're told to always look at the positive... We could be crawling under our skin, but we manage to laugh, because that's more acceptable than speaking our mind. It's that bit that we're told at a young age... that someone else always has it worse, and we're basically conditioned to belittle our emotions and have this one person we need to be. I mean it's meant to give us awareness, that bit, but we take it as this idea that we have no right to feel what we feel. Our minds are a freaking maze, and we don't know where we're going. We're a mess, and this is the song that lets us know how messy our minds are.

Favorite Part:
We are possessed
We're all fucked in the head
Alone and depressed


But if we sing along
A little fucking louder
To a happy song
Maybe we'll forget cause'


Every now and again we get that feeling
And the great big void inside us opens up
And I really wish that you could help
But my head is like a carousel
And I'm going round in circles

I'm going round in circles
Score: 10/10 ...Give me a 1-0! 10! Lets here it


3. Throne- This felt like, YEAH! This is my jam. This is my let me shatter the limits all of these people have put on me cause I'm freaking amazing song. This was the you kicked me when I was down, but you wouldn't know that now song that I wanted so so bad from Bring Me...It felt like a personal push. I needed this put into music. It's endearing. I mean I've definitely had people pull be down and push me down. We've all had scars etched into our souls my those who just wanted to see us fail and just fall. It's welcoming all the bat shit badness and pain you've gone through, because it's made you this bad ass Queen/King that no one can crack now. For every punch they've given you, it's made you 10x stronger, preparing you for the opposite of what everyone hoped...

Favorite Part:
So you can throw me to the wolves
Tomorrow I will come back
Leader of the whole pack

Beat me black and blue
Every wound will shape me
Every scar will build my throne


I’ll leave you choking
On every word you left unspoken
Rebuild all that you’ve broken

And now you know
I’ll leave you choking
On every word you left unspoken
Rebuild all that you’ve broken
And now you know
Every wound will shape me
Every scar will build my throne
Score: 17/10


4. True Friends- Hey, you don't have to date someone for them to break your heart. I've definitely had my heart broken by friends more than guys... Let me tell you, this was a song that definitely brought people to mind for me... I listened to the commentary Oli did, and it was spot on. I felt this even before I heard his commentary, and I had this mental image of ripping memories. It's funny, because I think of all the things these people have done, one in particular, and it feels like a kick to everything that you are. You just want to rid yourself of them. They teach you that it's not the backstabbing that hurts most; it's the kind that you watch happen. We've all had these people in our lives; the ones we let rip us apart and forgive until you can't. It isn't hate that you hold for them; you don't hate them, but you don't care anymore. You forget them and take the lesson. There's just no point in exhausting yourself in an emotion like hate. I mean I have felt hate before, I'm human, but it's an emotion that I wouldn't waste on anyone anymore. I just forgot them, but I didn't forgive them. It's like a twist. My line has always been forgive but don't forget. Then people came around, and I realized nothing is ever that smooth. Exceptions happen sometimes, and that's just it... It's better to take it for what it is, a lesson.

Favorite Part:
So how dare you try and steal my flame
Just cause yours faded
Well hate is gasoline
A fire fueling all my dreams

(I’m afraid you asked for this)

You got a lot of nerve but not a lot of spine
You made your bed when you worried about mine
This ends now

I wouldn’t hold my breath if I was you
Cause I’ll forget but I’ll never forgive you
Don’t you know, don’t you know?
True friends stab you in the front

Score: 11/10


5. Follow You- I had to look and make sure it was Bring Me, when the song started. I was ecstatic with how different this was. It was still Bring Me, though. I felt that lyrical connection, in a way that I had never really experienced before with BMTH. I had a little cry to this, and couldn't help think of relationships where it has felt like the foundation was shattered, but staying was better than not having them. It's one of those this sucks right now, and we might as well hate each other, but I wouldn't dare wake up and have anyone else look at me other than you. It was hopeful in that sense, and it made me feel like okay, if I feel like a ghost without someone then they're a freaking special someone, and I want that one day. Hopeless romantic here. Let me love someone and have someone love me more than the emotions this song has injected into me. I mean it definitely made me miss having someone who I could see myself with spending the good and bad times... someone to share little things like fries with. Love is about being with someone who makes you feel like you're breathing for the first time. It's about getting through the rough times, even the worst. It's about being with someone you'd take on the world for, right? It made me want to feel real love. It made me want to feel that and have someone feel it for me, too. Yeah... I'm so glad this is on the album. Let me go listen to it 10000x again.

Favorite Part:
Cause I'm telling you you're all I need
I promise you you're all I see
Cause I'm telling you you're all I need
I'll never leave

So you can drag me through Hell
If it meant I could hold your hand
I will follow you cause I'm under your spell
And you can throw me to the flames
I will follow you, I will follow you

Come sink into me and let me breathe you in
I'll be your gravity, you be my oxygen
So dig two graves cause when you die
I swear I'll be leaving by your side

Score: 17/10


6. What You Need- I'm not ashamed to say I've sung this at the top of my lungs after dealing with some of the most annoying people. Too many people are closed off to change. They think they know everything, and it's off putting when they try to tell me what I should think. This track reminds me of all the times I've wanted to pull someone's eyes open in hopes that they would OPEN their eyes. There's so much we don't know, and the things we know are left for interpretation. No two people are the same. We're different, so why are some people so fixated on having others believe and think the same way they do? Anyways, where was this song in high school? I couldn't stand high school and being surrounded by close minded people who acted more like puppets than individuals. There has to be a point where they question everything and break down, because I can't imagine blindly believing one way and never even question things or changing. It's like saying I'm the same person I was at 16, and that's unsettling. I just can't stand people who act like they're above others, because they think they know it all and have the "right" views that will "forever remain the same."

Favorite Part:
Don't ask me why then roll your eyes at the answer
You want to fight, but I won't bite on the bait
And I'm not trying to change your eyes so don't panic
Cause I'm not selling

So don't tell me what I can't see
Cause we both know it's you, not me

You don't want this but it's what you need
And you'll see it when you believe

Score: 10/10


7. Avalanche- I related to the song and Oli's commentary hit home. He talked about his ADHD, and I found myself thinking of my own list. It helped feel like I'm not crazy. Bring Me has always magically come out with music that I've needed at the moment. I've grown up with them, and I think I needed this song. I felt like I was in a time wrap, but I also found that this song was still how I felt, now... It's frustrating feeling like everything is wrong and not understanding quite why. A big part of getting better is understanding, though, but when you don't know it's like you're drowning in yourself. You see yourself go under and watch yourself do/say things and not understand why you can't regain control. You feel useless and lost in your own mind, but sometimes it feels like a stranger, as you struggle to grasp control of anything... your emotions... your thoughts... anything. It feels like no one hears you. It's scary and relieving to sit in a room, then, and have someone tell you that something is wrong with you; this isn't how you're supposed to be. You're not a freak of nature... other peoples understand you.... They've gotten through it, and you will, too. I definitely found this song stirring feelings. I don't have ADHD, but I'm not a blank slate, so this song felt like an all too familiar mental monologue. It's this ongoing battle. Some days you find yourself feeling like you're stable, but you find yourself losing your balance on other days. It's not easy, but it's a process... and you just need to keep getting back up.

Favorite Part:
It's like an avalanche
I feel myself go under
Cause the weight of it's like hands around my neck

I never stood a chance
My heart is frozen over
And I feel like I am treading on thin ice

Am I broken? What's the chance I will survive?
Don’t sugarcoat me, cause I feel like suicide
Just give it to me straight cause I'm running out of time
I need an antidote, now what can you prescribe

It's like an avalanche
I feel myself go under
Cause the weight of it's like hands around my neck
I never stood a chance
My heart is frozen over
And I feel like I am treading on thin ice
And I'm going under


I need a cure for me cause a square doesn't fit the circle
Give me a remedy cause my head wasn't wired for this world
Score: 17/10


8. Run- It has a different sound, and I could see my step aerobics teacher playing this during a class. She's a cool teacher, okay? She does cool teacher stuff. Anyways, it's a new sound, but I find myself really enjoying the versatility in this album. I can't wait to hear it live. I'm excited to see how this translates on stage, as well. I'm really digging the dark romance that's intertwined into the lyrics and sound. It's not quite a lyrical favorite, but it really shows how far they've come. It makes me want to run from the world and live in bliss, but at the same time I feel like it's about accepting the darkness and not letting it quite consume you eternally.

Favorite Part:
Your hand's a hurricane, it moves in waves
A perfect storm that keeps you wide awake
But through the silence, you will feel it burn

So take my hand and let's run away
You know there's nothing here to make us stay
And in the darkness you will see the sun

Score: 10/10


9. Drown- This song was first released a lot earlier than the album and a lot of people were saying the sound was too different, and that Bring Me had sold out. I think this is another great representation of growth, for them, however. They're artists and have grown up in this industry... I mean music tastes change. A band is like that, too; as their music taste changes, their sound does as well. Bands take inspiration from their experiences, and it only makes sense that their music shows their growth. Bring Me has had an awesome musical journey from being this full out just loud instruments and music that my mum couldn't understand to this band that has perfected their craft and is showing just how far they've come. This song has a very special meaning to me. It's the perfect representation of what a battle with chronic depression feels like. I've had a long time with this song, and it's one of my favorite songs they've ever put out.

Favorite Part:
It comes in waves, I close my eyes.
Hold my breath and let it bury me.
I'm not okay, and it's not alright.
Won't you drag the lake and bring me home again?

Who will fix me now? Dive in when I'm down?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown.
Who will make me fight? Drag me out alive?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown.
 Score: 20/10


10. Blasphemy- Hypocrisy. Cynicism. I can't stand a lot of things, really. One of the things that drives me the most insane, though, is people who lie to themselves. I'm not going to tell someone how to live or what to believe, but I can't stand someone who lives a lie. I don't get people who don't change along with their views. Some people are just so stuck in their ways, that they don't care whether their words and actions match up, I guess? it's just annoying. This song is the perfect representation of that. People who live a lie. One life. It's all we get. Live it.

Favorite Part:
You got hell to pay but you already sold your soul
It's blasphemy
But the words don't make sense no more

What would your mother say, your faith that you ignored
So don't try to tell me that you still believe
No don't preach to me


Ask no questions and you'll get no lies
Turn the cheek and blind the eye
Let it go
Bend the knee and give away your life
Bite your tongue and close your mind
Never know

Score: 11/10


11. Oh No- In the commentary, Oli says how "everything good must come to an end," and while I agree it also feels a bit ironic. The bad also comes to an end, though. This song can be interpreted as a few things. At first I saw it as trying to live in a past time and finally coming to the understanding that you're not 10 anymore or 16 or whatever age... You're in the now and have to live that way. Then I listened to it a bit closer and realized, once more, the concepts tying together. In previous albums, there have been these stories about being addict, trying to stop, stopping, and then seeing it all in the past. This felt like that. This felt like the right song to tie all of the struggles together. It was the perfect closer for the album, as well. It's the light after the storm. It feels like a passing it on situation, too, where you see someone where you once were. You get to help them and show them how it gets after that shit storm just by letting them see you now. Then we have the sound, which is something I would have never expected from Bring Me. It almost feels like they're poking fun at a typical pop dance song while borrowing the sound a bit. They just show a lot of growth in this last track. It's a breath of fresh air that's contagious, and you can't help but be a ball of joy. I'm proud of it. I mean I didn't right it, but it feels like yeah... everything is going to be alright.

Favorite Part:
Don't call it a party cause it never stops
Now one is too many but it's never enough
Don't tell me you're happy cause this isn't love

So be careful what you wish for
So be careful what you wish for

Who you're trying to fool, you know you're in over your head
Cause you're holding onto heaven but you're hanging by a thread


No we're not on the level, you're just off your face
It's not a state of mind though, your head's just in a state
I may be on the outside but you're empty within
It's getting kind of old now, I think it's time to pack it in

Score: 11/10


It's safe to say that I absolutely love this album, and I do NOT think they've lost themselves. Mainstream isn't what I think when I hear Bring Me The Horizon, even now (no matter what that Mike guy says). We all look at the chart toppers, and it's not to diss anyone, but you rarely have those songs that talk about the things we're going through. Sure, there's the heartbreak songs topping the charts, but where are the lyrics talking about the other shit? We get depressed and have fears. We're scared of the world and having the core of who we are being misconstrud. We aren't always happy, and we go through phases. We're dealing with shit and just want to connect. If you haven't gotten this album, go get it now! It's also available on Spotify, so go listen to that there, too! Go GO GO! You WILL NOT REGRET IT!

Overall Album Score: 13


Friday, September 4, 2015

The Circle Of Life

Circles have all of these different meanings, but they'll always remind me of life. In this particular moment, especially, I realize how life is but a circle. I remember that one scene in that Chuck and Larry movie where the Vegas pastor, I think, talks about how life is like a circle. I kept imitating him for years, but he had a point...

From the moment we're born, the only sure thing in our lives is death. We're born, we live, and we die.
 
It sounds so bad, probably, but it isn't... I think what's horrible is the unknown. We fear dying, because it's so unknown to us. We see it as being robbed, but it's not that at all. Sometimes people die too soon... a lot of times, actually. Death isn't meant to be that way, though. I understand that with death someone is suddenly physically gone, and that can be difficult, too. I don't know how to feel or what to believe in regards to death, though. I do know that it's not bad--at least that's what I'm telling myself. Life is like a circle, and we're all part of that circle. It's okay. It sucks, but it's okay... or it will be okay.


I mean even plants go through this circle of life. You see these beautiful roses bloom and live out their beauty before they whither away... but not before they leave pieces of themselves behind to give life to the coming roses. I want to believe that people are the same. Whether they live out their life to their late late years or leave us too early, I want to believe they too leave behind these little seeds that will nurture us and help us grow.

It just sucks. I won't pretend that I'm anywhere near understanding, but I'm trying.
Life is beautiful, right? It has its ups and downs, but it's beautiful. Life and death are one in the same, so I should accept death the same way?

I think it isn't meant to be easy, and it may make me selfish, but it's not easy knowing that you won't ever see someone again. You think about all the moments you could have spent with them, that you didn't.

Today my grandad passed away. I have never seen my mum this way. She's a fairly strong woman, and she's quite religious. She has this strong Italian personality--fiery as can be--and yet she's also gentle. I've seen her go through many different moods, considering I was a hurricane as a child. i was always climbing walls... and falling off of said walls. I was running through mud and getting her favorite curtains filthy. I was a handful... Anyways, I've never seen her like today.

It breaks my heart.

I was close to my grandad when I was younger. I haven't seen him in years, though. In early June, he had a stroke and there was just so much going on before that and after. I've spent my time looking at my mum, more than anything. I feel frozen inside, but I also feel gutted seeing my mum.

I think about how she flew out to see him, back in June. I was the only one who didn't want to go. She understood why. It makes me question how good I am at handling death, because I run from it. I couldn't bare the though of seeing him how he was. I had known him in his prime. He was tall and lean but his shoulders were quite broad. He smiled with his eyes, blue like the ocean. His hair was sandy blonde and he had a laugh that was absolutely contagious. He was one of the few people, who from a young age, planted in me to follow my dreams. He's from a different time, with a different mindset, but he seemed to understand that I was a firecracker. I was his little lion, and he would listen to me perform these songs that I'd come up with on the spot. At 8, he was someone who I couldn't picture my life without. He was just a constant.

I saw him less and less as I grew up, but he had already left his mark...


I had heard about how he was after the stroke and coma--a mere shell of himself--and I knew that I was never going to see him again, because I wanted to remember him as I knew him. I understand how selfish that was, but I couldn't get myself to see him connected to tubes. I didn't understand why they didn't let him die, in that moment. I knew he was in pain, and I was mad. I was mad that after the doctors had said he would never be okay, they prolonged it all. Then again i felt selfish, because I also wanted him to survive. I wanted a miracle to happen. I wanted him to wake up as if it had all been a dream, and he would give me one of those "why do you buy jeans with holes? I can just cut them up for you for free" talks. He'd tell me how I was finally blonde again, and he'd be happy.

I'm so confused.

I don't feel like the little lioness he treated me as. I don't feel strong at all. I find it hard to breathe. I find it hard to think. I didn't realize how affected I was until I started writing this. 

But, I mean he lived his life, and he left his mark on people. He was so kind... but I can't help be selfish. He died in peace, after so much pain. I'm glad he went that way, but I can't help wish he hadn't left. I understand he was in pain and had already lived out his life, but he's gone.

I can't imagine how my mum is feeling. I can't imagine how my gran is. I lost my grandad, my mum lost her dad, but gran lost her love. They were so amazing together. They were the spitting image of an epic romance novel...


My grans... I wonder how she's supposed deal with this. That makes this whole thing harder. How do you have the person you've grown with for decades disappear and be okay with it? You're not okay with it, but how do you keep going? How do you look around your home at all of the memories and thing you've created together without the lump in your throat? How do you look back at all the good without the present drowning you?

I guess this is supposed to help me. It's supposed to make me stronger, with time, right? I don't know if that's what I want. I don't care for that, right now. I want to understand. I want everyone around me to be okay, and I don't want to feel this way inside. I want him to be okay.

I don't know what I believe in. I was raised Catholic, but loss has a way of making you doubt things. From a young age, people have died. I've prayed and lost them all the same, so I don't know what I believe in. I like learning about others' religions. I like asking questions. I like to learn. Right now, though, I'm not afraid to admit that I'm a mess. I'll be okay, but I can't help miss him. I'm just glad he lived out his life the way he did. He had a glorious happy life, and I'm happy about that. Life is a circle, right? The good, the bad, none of it makes a difference... it keeps going...

Xx