It's no secret that 2016 has been one of the hardest years yet. Truth is, that your 20's are the time in which you change the most... Things are supposed to change.
I can be the first to say that that is true (100% really), but it's also not so much that we change as people, but the lens in which we see life through becomes sharper.
My 21st year of life was the game changer where I found myself really cutting down on who I surrounded myself with. I rebuilt myself and destroyed myself repeatedly trying to figure "life" out.
I've always been that social butterfly, and I'll remain that until I die (I presume)... I just found myself giving all of the right pieces of myself to the wrong people. I started what you could say was a purging of sorts...
If you know me, you know I'm set on my ways for half the battle and sometimes swayed by those I love hoping their intentions are the best. I realized that you could know someone for half your life or entire life... that doesn't mean you truly know them. What someone may call their best intentions may not be the best for you...
This isn't meant to say 2016 was all bad. It was filled with LESSONS, but it was my favorite year yet. I want to just thank everyone in my life who has loved me so dearly and so fiercely... this year especially. I've gained people, lost a few, and reconnected with others. The most important milestone of this year is that I've found my footing. I've learned that there are people who you can love so fiercely until you don't, and there is no harm in that. That doesn't mean you're a bad person... You need to respect yourself and love yourself enough to walk away from what no longer serves you in any way. It doesn't turn love to hate, but it simply means that loving someone isn't enough to make them right for you. I've learned that not everyone is who you think they are or have thought, like I said. I've learned to feel that whole heartedly, mourned those losses, and have let go.
I've learned to value myself in a way that has always been stumped by those same people who I've believed loved me despite my flaws.... Simply put, I realized this year that I was not the problem. I hope you all look at yourselves and learn to love the bits and pieces people have always made you turn away from. Don't be ashamed in the flower you're becoming. You are blooming. You're no longer a seed. You're no longer a bud. You've been beautiful every step of the way, so don't let anyone make you believe you're anything less.
2016 was the year of growth more than anything. I've heard every bad comment, but I've also heard every good one.
I can tell you that I've changed, but I haven't. There's lessons I'm bound to relive, but I'll be better prepared... I've learned a thing or two. My point, though, is that while change is inevitable, it's important to know the difference between growing up and downright change....
There was a lot of change this year and some said I even became a completely different person.
I really considered that. In some ways I feel that way, but it's more of a sense of freedom that makes me feel that. What I realized is I've become stronger. I'm still that girl that I've been from day one. Some ideas have changed. My way of being hasn't... that could be seen as good or bad.
Take it as you may.
2016 was truly one for the books, though... It was one full of lessons. Anyone close to me understood how anxious I started this year. I was afraid of life in so many ways and afraid of myself in many others. I had allowed myself to be swayed by people telling me I was everything that had been turned into ashes. I truly felt difficult to love. I felt like I needed to put myself together.
The truth is that I found a lot of new beginnings. I found forgiveness for others and myself. I found a passion for myself in a way I only ever knew to put into anyone else and everything else but me.
I've always heard people say, "I'm not easy to love," but 2016 taught me otherwise...
It's never hard to love someone. It shouldn't be hard. Life is hard. Problems are hard, but love isn't. A feeling isn't hard but natural... everything else is another story.
You see... you hit a point in time where you want everything to remain a certain way, and that's when it ALL gets hard. It's like a hurricane turning inside out, but you get through it.
You can't force people to love you "in spite of" change. You can't also torment yourself and allow them to keep you in a time capsule.
Anyways, 2016 marks the year that I grew closer to my family. It's the year I finally figured out my value. It's the year I got an amazing promotion on top of promotion. It's the year I got in a car accident. It's the year I chopped off all my hair. It's the year I gained patience. It's the year I fell in love. It's the year I learned to have fun in my own skin. It's the year I learned the difference between genuine love and convenience. It's the year I learned that some people will fight for you even after they've lost you. It's the year I learned that forgiveness and second chances are valid companions.
2016 was the year I watched so many people fall apart. It's the year I lost another grandparent. It's the year Jacques stood up to be my rock not just a boyfriend. Thank you. Thank you to the people who were good for me at a certain point in life. Thank you to the people who have fought their way back into my tunnel vision ways of life (at times). Thank you to my parents and family, entirely. Thank you to the teachers and coworkers... bosses ho have seen the potential in me. Thank you to everyone who has helped me in any way to get where I want to be and am still going.
I understand this is a ramble of the usual kind... but 2016 has truly been beautiful. It's been full of tears both falling from the sky and eyes. We've had our falls but have gained so so much from it all.
2016 was a blessing in disguise. I learned that I suck at pool and am extremely rusty with my bowling. I learned that my dart game is ok. I just had a magnificent time.
My New Year's Eve wasn't full of partying... it was rather low key. We rang in the new year with pizza, wings, and lovely veggies. We had drinks, did arts and crafts, watched a movie, and we played taboo. We had doughnuts and lovely cake.
It was a completely different type of "ringing in the New Year," but it was just a little bookmark reminding me of the new direction in which this period is taking me. I no longer feel aimless. I'm delighted. I wake up every day with joy in my soul. The demons that haunted me have become neighbors I thank every waking moment... for they have made me stronger.
There isn't a day that goes by where I don't feel so lucky. I'm surrounded by people who love me and whom I love. I'm blessed with adventures... both mundane and exciting. The most exciting adventure, though, is enjoying life in it's quietest and wildest moments alike... So there's that.
In 2016 we leave behind all the toxicity and bring forth new beginnings.
I'm excited to keep going to school (if I had it my way I'd have 7 degrees and go to school forever lol)
I'm excited to continue growing professionally
I'm excited to go to San Fran
I'm excited at the possibility for Puerto Vallarta
I'm excited to finish paying off my car
I'm excited to keep paying bills
I'm excited to be able to be financially independent
I'm excited to watch everyone around me feel this feeling
I'm excited to go anywhere and nowhere
I'm excited to do it all
I think life is as beautiful as you allow it to be.
This has been my favorite holiday season...
I'm so in love with life and everything that has become my life.
I wouldn't trade it for the world, and I can't wait to share 2017 with you all.
Here's to more travels and falling down dirt hills during hikes. Here's to it all.
Here's to the containers of salsa that we will share and to the jukebox not the golden tee (for next time). lol
Xx
