Losing Your Virginity (It's Not A Magical Virginity Spell)

I can't think back to the first time I realized what sex or virginity was. I'm sure I must have seen something! lol

Anyways, at some point, I just realized that because I hadn't had sex that made me a virgin. I was untouched, innocent, pure, etc. I was a fucking unicorn to so many people, apparently. There was this idea around it that was engraved into my head, though, about how that was sacred, right? We've all been there. We were taught to believe that our virginity is something precious that shouldn't be handed out to just anybody. It was so precious that it was devaluing... I appreciate the incentive behind that (to an extent) and want to see it as appreciating yourself and loving yourself enough to only want to let someone into your life and body who will also appreciate you.... Then again, I think it's stupid to teach kids that virginity is something like a trophy or that it has the power to devalue you.

Hear me out...

I'm all for loving yourself and taking care of yourself, but I also feel like virginity is a social construct that controls people's view on themselves and others. Think about the weight we put on virginity. So what if you "lose" your virginity to a terrible person? Do you feel wronged? How do you end up feeling bad about yourself? Are you damaged goods cause a P went in the V? What if you "lose" it to a great person? Is it all great or do you have this crazy attachment to them, because you gave them your most "precious jewel?"

For an act that is so minimal in regards to the bigger picture... Why is it so damning?

I can't tell you what goes on with other people, but I can tell you about myself.

Virginity never defined me.
Granted, I went through phases where I believed that virginity was something I only wanted to hand to someone I'd marry.... (looking back it sounds like it was the way families offered cows during marriage arrangements lol). Then I felt like it made me a target. It all went on in different waves, basically. by the end of it, I understood it wasn't the virginity I was holding on to. I just didn't want to have sex with someone I didn't want to give my body to in a symbol of trust. Sex has always held a greater meaning to me.

I just never felt like I would be less of a person or better for losing my virginity. I didn't think that virginity was a win or lose situation where if the first person wasn't endgame I was a failure. I didn't think whoever put the P in my V would change my world, either.

I never felt like the movies or any of that represented it realistically. That's another problem entirely, though.

All virginity was to me was a symbol of being selective. It wasn't that I hadn't had the opportunity to have sex, but at the end of the day I wasn't ready or wanted to give myself to those guys. I didn't feel I wanted to have sex with any of those guys. It would have felt like searching for a bond, which is why I understand why some girls/boys do become attached after sex. However, THAT is a myth... regarding the whole idea that you'll become attached to that person forever.

I don't feel that giving my virginity to who I did gave life to our relationship. I felt glad I had waited to have sex when I was ready. I felt glad I had never given virginity the power to define me. I'm glad that I recognized the difference of what would have been trying to create a bond versus having one with him. I know he appreciated that I held myself so highly, not in the sense that I had remained a virgin before him... but that I hadn't given into peer pressure or let virginity define me.

The thing about sex is that you can have it casually, and that's fine. You can lose your virginity having casual sex, and that's not a reason to feel bad.

For me, though, that just wasn't something I wanted. It doesn't mean I was guarding my virginity to offer it off in marriage. We're all different. I also wouldn't judge someone for participating in casual sex. I'm just someone who is glad she waited for that moment where I gave my body to someone who I loved. I would have also been glad to own my sexuality in a casual manner if that had been what I wanted. Either is fine.

Society applauds men for owning their sexuality, but we're often modeled to please men. We shouldn't own our sexuality and guard our virginity for the right man or else what is our value, right? WRONG. He has to be the first, but we don't have to be the first... They're applauded, but we're booed.

Anyways, when my first time happened it was quite instant that I knew why it hadn't been right before him, and it wasn't that I started to feel this way afterwards; as in NO, this isn't my virginity cling talking lol.

Sorry I still find that amusing.
I mean some people are actually scared about the "virginity cling." Sure, it happens, but it's definitely a myth. I feel like girls/guys can become clingy at an individual level, but it's often blamed on virginity when that's a factor. Virginity is whatever you want it to be, though. To me, it was like a first kiss, getting a tattoo, moving... stuff like that. It was a part of my life, but it wasn't life changing to the point it would make or break the rest of my life. It didn't hold power over me, but it held as much meaning as a "first" type of event or the consideration that came with a tattoo. It wasn't meaningless, but it didn't overshadow who I am.

I had people thinking I was a prude, at times, but in Cher's words... I was just selective.

I'm still a selective person, so sue me.

Sex to me is a bonding act that's more than physical, and that is why I waited. I waited to give that to someone versus giving them my jewel or whatever you want to call my virginity... (lack there of now lol) Sorry that was a terrible joke.

There's nothing wrong with just having sex without love. It's not my cup of tea, but I'm not here to judge. You should own your sexuality. Don't let anyone tell you how you should live. You should always just be careful and take care of yourself... but don't allow this social idea tell you that you're in the wrong for owning your lack of virginity. It's your body. You do you, boo.

Maybe I'm talking blindly and not taking under consideration the people who have had bad experiences... but I don't think that's regarding their virginity. I've always felt that was a feeling of violation and contributed to by the social idea of what virginity means. As in so many people are raised to forever look at virginity as this big weight on us that sums us up. We're taught to give this idea power over us in the way that addictions hold power over people... it's crippling.

Virginity is what? It really is what you make it. It shouldn't define you, though. You just do you, boo. Really, just do what you want to do. Don't let society tell you what you should do or how you should feel about something. It's okay to see things differently or in the same way... but make sure it's your own. Regardless of what you think/feel... own it. Own it and own who you are, but you shouldn't ever feel less for it.

Let me get you in on a secret. You'll figure things out. Life is like a jungle gym, and you'll fall but the things that might feel life ending today won't ten years from now. So if you've lost your virginity and felt shitty for it, this is for you. If you're scared of sex, because you've been made to believe you should only have sex with "the one"...let me tell you... Don't let others scare you. You'll figure things out at your own pace and whether you make mistakes along the way or not, you'll be fine. We all find our way someday. Virginity be damned... it doesn't make or break you.

I've been a kick ass girl before and after.