I don't even know where
to start with this post. Pardon me, in advance, for the following rant that
will probably jump around like balls on fire.
Really though, you've
been warned!
This is where you can
still turn around unscathed.
No?
Okay, proceed with caution.
Basically, I've already
had this conversation—or a very similar one—with my best friend on the phone;
it was one of those midnight rants. I never knew how frustrated this issue had
me until a guy who I wasn't necessary close to made a point to show that if I
wasn't his girlfriend, then I wasn't his friend, anymore.
I was so confused as to
why it bothered me, coming from him…
Suddenly years of friendship were tossed away. I had been so easy to toss, and I realized that he isn't the first to do this. No.
Suddenly years of friendship were tossed away. I had been so easy to toss, and I realized that he isn't the first to do this. No.
He isn't the first whose
love confession I had turned down only to end up losing, because they never saw
me as a friend—not for a second.
I had had moments in the
past where I would get a confession and try to feel the same. This person has
been a friend, a dear friend, and why wouldn’t I like them? Why couldn’t I?
Simple, I just don’t. It would all play out in this way where I felt obligated
to want to have feelings beyond friendship... Not anymore.
I felt so annoyed, and it made me wonder why...
If I truly felt unaffected, why was I infuriated, at the same time?
I felt so annoyed, and it made me wonder why...
If I truly felt unaffected, why was I infuriated, at the same time?
Same question.
I was gripping my steering wheel so hard as I spoke to my car; my best friend was on the other line listening.
I even drove on the freeway for a bit to just calm down. I drove and drove.
I just hated that I had realized I've never been seen as a person; I'm always seen as a girl first. Hey, I love being a girl, but it's this perception that is attached to being a girl... UGH!
This isn't something only I deal with, either. I mean countless of girls can relate. I'm not alone here. It's as if from the moment a guy meets you, you become a possibility and an idea is formed. I don't mind someone liking me, but I'd like them to get to know me not just stick around because of a physical possibility. I can't stand that. I'm emotional and vulnerable with my heart. I let people in; I connect. I share myself with friends. They see me at my highest points, but some of them see me at my most vulnerable... I trust them to be emotionally exposed... The idea that guys gain that to just spot their opportunity is mind-boggling. It makes my bones rattle. It scares me.
It's as if they see you both as an obstacle to the "we could have had it all" and the prize. It makes me question their friendship. Was that why they were my friends? If I were a guy, would we have actually been friends without the idea floating at the back of your mind?
Would you have still been there the time I spent three hours on a car’s hood talking to you about my frustrations?
It's even more annoying when a guy shuns you after turning them down. You’re not an equal to him; you’ve bruised his ego. He doesn't respect “no,” but he'll listen to your boyfriend.
I was gripping my steering wheel so hard as I spoke to my car; my best friend was on the other line listening.
I even drove on the freeway for a bit to just calm down. I drove and drove.
I just hated that I had realized I've never been seen as a person; I'm always seen as a girl first. Hey, I love being a girl, but it's this perception that is attached to being a girl... UGH!
This isn't something only I deal with, either. I mean countless of girls can relate. I'm not alone here. It's as if from the moment a guy meets you, you become a possibility and an idea is formed. I don't mind someone liking me, but I'd like them to get to know me not just stick around because of a physical possibility. I can't stand that. I'm emotional and vulnerable with my heart. I let people in; I connect. I share myself with friends. They see me at my highest points, but some of them see me at my most vulnerable... I trust them to be emotionally exposed... The idea that guys gain that to just spot their opportunity is mind-boggling. It makes my bones rattle. It scares me.
It's as if they see you both as an obstacle to the "we could have had it all" and the prize. It makes me question their friendship. Was that why they were my friends? If I were a guy, would we have actually been friends without the idea floating at the back of your mind?
Would you have still been there the time I spent three hours on a car’s hood talking to you about my frustrations?
It's even more annoying when a guy shuns you after turning them down. You’re not an equal to him; you’ve bruised his ego. He doesn't respect “no,” but he'll listen to your boyfriend.
No, this isn’t a bargain
deal where you agree with HIM to drop it. You listen to ME!
THAT makes me boil.
I'm not owned. Why would you need to consult with someone else about me in that way?
It's so stupid. We live surrounded by misogyny, really.
I have to like every guy that likes me and give them every bit of me... or I'm "leading them on," because it was clearly never a friendship. It doesn't matter if it was only a friendship to me, because it was more to them. That sucks. That really really sucks. I'm a bitch and horrible for not liking you? I'm even worse if I do like you... Think about it. I'm meant to like you, because you like me. If I liked you—as in every male friend ever—then I'd be a slut. It's as if when a man decides for me, it's okay, but if I decide, then everything is wrong with my choice... at least according to "society," right?
Double standard stupidity more like...
I can't be assertive without being labeled a bitch, but if a man is assertive he's a boss.
If I embrace my sexuality and love myself, I'm a "slut"/"whore" or self-absorbed... Let a man spit a verse about "fucking hoes" and no one blinks for what I would have been shamed for.
I can be objectified, but I can't refer to a man in the same demeaning way, because I'm told I'm disrespectful and hate men.
Also, let me backtrack a bit—don’t get me wrong—not every man is explicit with their words regarding their sexual endeavors; nonetheless, they aren't scrutinized for it—we, as women, are.
It's just enraging to see how that has spilled over into friendships.
What?
I can't be friends with a guy, because it must be more... Or it will become more?
I must have an icebox where my box should be, because I don't like my friend who has shown interest in me beyond friendship? Isn't he a catch? But has he been a good friend hoping for more… from the beginning—before knowing me? Or would he still have been this type of friend if I weren’t a girl?
Don’t forget, if there's an amazing girl pining over him in the same way... She's "needy" or "thirsty."
Okay.
THAT makes me boil.
I'm not owned. Why would you need to consult with someone else about me in that way?
It's so stupid. We live surrounded by misogyny, really.
I have to like every guy that likes me and give them every bit of me... or I'm "leading them on," because it was clearly never a friendship. It doesn't matter if it was only a friendship to me, because it was more to them. That sucks. That really really sucks. I'm a bitch and horrible for not liking you? I'm even worse if I do like you... Think about it. I'm meant to like you, because you like me. If I liked you—as in every male friend ever—then I'd be a slut. It's as if when a man decides for me, it's okay, but if I decide, then everything is wrong with my choice... at least according to "society," right?
Double standard stupidity more like...
I can't be assertive without being labeled a bitch, but if a man is assertive he's a boss.
If I embrace my sexuality and love myself, I'm a "slut"/"whore" or self-absorbed... Let a man spit a verse about "fucking hoes" and no one blinks for what I would have been shamed for.
I can be objectified, but I can't refer to a man in the same demeaning way, because I'm told I'm disrespectful and hate men.
Also, let me backtrack a bit—don’t get me wrong—not every man is explicit with their words regarding their sexual endeavors; nonetheless, they aren't scrutinized for it—we, as women, are.
It's just enraging to see how that has spilled over into friendships.
What?
I can't be friends with a guy, because it must be more... Or it will become more?
I must have an icebox where my box should be, because I don't like my friend who has shown interest in me beyond friendship? Isn't he a catch? But has he been a good friend hoping for more… from the beginning—before knowing me? Or would he still have been this type of friend if I weren’t a girl?
Don’t forget, if there's an amazing girl pining over him in the same way... She's "needy" or "thirsty."
Okay.
Double standards… it's like a trend innit?
Hey, there's nothing wrong with friends becoming more, but not every friend is going to become a lover.
What if someone is gay?
Does that "rule" still apply?
No, right?
Then, why do we always do this when it involves two individuals of the opposite sex? We can blame it on the media and these tired story lines on shows... But it has to go deeper than that.
I'm tired of it always being this way, though. Every single male friendship has been a facade.
Friendship has never been enough, and it's meant losing people.
You either want to fuck me, claim me, or have nothing to do with me.
Hey, there's nothing wrong with friends becoming more, but not every friend is going to become a lover.
What if someone is gay?
Does that "rule" still apply?
No, right?
Then, why do we always do this when it involves two individuals of the opposite sex? We can blame it on the media and these tired story lines on shows... But it has to go deeper than that.
I'm tired of it always being this way, though. Every single male friendship has been a facade.
Friendship has never been enough, and it's meant losing people.
You either want to fuck me, claim me, or have nothing to do with me.
Well then I don’t need you,
because I want something genuine…
Have you even taken the time to notice the way I play with my eyelashes?
Do you know that I like learning about you?
Tell me things.
Tell me about your favorite video game or car. I love hearing someone's excitement and passion in their voices.
I love learning more
about people.
It just sucks that
you’re more aware of my boobs than me…
Don't try to take advantage of me at my vulnerable points and sweep me off my feet, either. Don't try and make me think this is love. Don't try to mind fuck me into feeling like I need to feel something more.
More importantly, don't
do all of that especially while you have a girlfriend or girls in every city
waiting for you to keep all your promises.
I'm nowhere near being an angel. I'm not saying that boys suck, and I'm a victim.
No.
I don't believe in that.
I think the world is filled with all kinds of people.
My frustration lies with the fact that this is a thing present in my life, especially from all of these guys I thought really cared. It doesn't matter whether they're new or old people coming into my life. My kindness is misconstrued. Am I the problem? Am I supposed to not treat you like a friend?
It just sucks that they can turn it on and off so easily—being in my life.
One second they want everything, but let me say no, and they show you a color that's unknown to you.
Having said all of that, I know that not every guy is looking for more.
There are three of us girls—Gauri, Nessa, and me. We were in the same cluster aka homeroom. I left that school, though, so I didn't graduate with them, but they're basically my cluster sisters. You have the same "cluster" for 6 years, 7th grade through your senior year, and it's roughly 20-35 of the same people. It’s safe to say you become really close when they’re a constant in your life, almost every day. I only attended 3 and a half years before transferring, but it was enough time to cement bonds. I mean Gauri and I are forever best friends. We've known each other for 8 years, now, and have been bestest of friends since day one. Nessa and her are also best friends. Nessa and I aren't as close, but I adore her. We're basically a friendship that I know will be around for years to come. Basically, I see her easily becoming one of my best friends, as well. It doesn't hurt that we both have the same best friend. We're all quite similar and very different; it works.
Anyways, she's a lucky girl… at least when it comes to guy best friends. She has it made, really. We’ll call him James. He's this really sweet guy who's actually a bit dorky. They've quite literally grown up together; I'm talking elementary years. Has he faked it, in hopes for more? Nope. James is the guy who she could ask to come over, and he would do it in the middle of the night—without any ulterior motives. He's that handsome lad that's smart, and you know whoever marries him is going to be quite happy. If I had to describe him, I'd say he literally looks like Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid, so he's goals, right? He doesn't act like he knows it, though... maybe he doesn't? It's not that he lacks confidence, but he's so humble. You think of a guy you’d take home to meet your parents and that’s him. You think of a guy you’d want to go on a road trip with and go to concerts with… that’s him too. There’s something comforting in the fact that he’s just a friend, though.
How is he real?
The point to gagaing over Nessa's best friend is simple, though.
It's to point out that even though you and I probably have this situation with guys going on, it's not something that will always be that way.
There are some amazing guys out there. We're just in the wrong pool, so the question becomes something else... How do we get in the right pool?
And maybe not everyone gets to have that best friend who’s a guy and remains just a friend.
But relationships are essentially with a best friend, right?
...Or it should be.
You should be able to rely on them and have it be more than pure physicality.
I'm nowhere near being an angel. I'm not saying that boys suck, and I'm a victim.
No.
I don't believe in that.
I think the world is filled with all kinds of people.
My frustration lies with the fact that this is a thing present in my life, especially from all of these guys I thought really cared. It doesn't matter whether they're new or old people coming into my life. My kindness is misconstrued. Am I the problem? Am I supposed to not treat you like a friend?
It just sucks that they can turn it on and off so easily—being in my life.
One second they want everything, but let me say no, and they show you a color that's unknown to you.
Having said all of that, I know that not every guy is looking for more.
There are three of us girls—Gauri, Nessa, and me. We were in the same cluster aka homeroom. I left that school, though, so I didn't graduate with them, but they're basically my cluster sisters. You have the same "cluster" for 6 years, 7th grade through your senior year, and it's roughly 20-35 of the same people. It’s safe to say you become really close when they’re a constant in your life, almost every day. I only attended 3 and a half years before transferring, but it was enough time to cement bonds. I mean Gauri and I are forever best friends. We've known each other for 8 years, now, and have been bestest of friends since day one. Nessa and her are also best friends. Nessa and I aren't as close, but I adore her. We're basically a friendship that I know will be around for years to come. Basically, I see her easily becoming one of my best friends, as well. It doesn't hurt that we both have the same best friend. We're all quite similar and very different; it works.
Anyways, she's a lucky girl… at least when it comes to guy best friends. She has it made, really. We’ll call him James. He's this really sweet guy who's actually a bit dorky. They've quite literally grown up together; I'm talking elementary years. Has he faked it, in hopes for more? Nope. James is the guy who she could ask to come over, and he would do it in the middle of the night—without any ulterior motives. He's that handsome lad that's smart, and you know whoever marries him is going to be quite happy. If I had to describe him, I'd say he literally looks like Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid, so he's goals, right? He doesn't act like he knows it, though... maybe he doesn't? It's not that he lacks confidence, but he's so humble. You think of a guy you’d take home to meet your parents and that’s him. You think of a guy you’d want to go on a road trip with and go to concerts with… that’s him too. There’s something comforting in the fact that he’s just a friend, though.
How is he real?
The point to gagaing over Nessa's best friend is simple, though.
It's to point out that even though you and I probably have this situation with guys going on, it's not something that will always be that way.
There are some amazing guys out there. We're just in the wrong pool, so the question becomes something else... How do we get in the right pool?
And maybe not everyone gets to have that best friend who’s a guy and remains just a friend.
But relationships are essentially with a best friend, right?
...Or it should be.
You should be able to rely on them and have it be more than pure physicality.
There’s good news,
though, whether you’re hoping to have a guy best friend or to find a guy who is
your ideal boyfriend material, it will come.
Not every guy is going
to have your head spinning like a carousel in all the wrong ways. Isaac is that
sign of hope.
Besides we’re lovely and DON'T NEED someone to validate that. We can stand strong on our own, but we DO NEED to be rid of people who aren’t genuine.
Anyways, I won't lie; I'm still slightly upset, at the end of this long rant/post. I'm upset with double standards. I'm upset that I trust people and will continue to trust them, because I refuse to punish someone new for someone else's stinky mistakes. I'm upset that I can't have genuine guy friends. Overall, I'm upset that I have people who always claim to love my flowers but when autumn comes, they're faced with my roots, and they never know what to do.
There's still something beautiful about this world, and I just want a little
more.
Let me be thrown off balance by something other than what I've known before.
Xx
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